The whole truch and nothing but the truth!!!

I'm feeling very distant from God. I talk about God all the time with the kids, I quote Bible verses probably once an hour. I spend time praying for others either in Sunday School, church, small group, or as I'm falling asleep at night, but I'm not feeling that amazing intimacy and the fullness that comes when I'm close to God. So, last Sunday I said something to Brian about fasting for the purpose of seeking God's will about Annie, but I didn't do it. And then last Friday (or whatever day Ramadan began) I heard a program about it, and it was talking about the health benefits and also that most religions use fasting as a way of purifying our relationship with God. So, on Saturday night something clicked and I said "yep, I'm gonna do that for a week." And I thought about finding several specific things to pray for or fast about, but really it mostly comes down to a deeper, truer walk with God.

And here's the fun part! I fasted for the full day Sunday and on Monday Brian and I were laying on our bed talking during nap time and he said "I want you to go ahead and make the appt at the doctor to get "that thing" taken out." Just out of the blue!!! I was in shock. And then he said he's not sure what we'll do (after the next baby) for birth control, but he isn't at peace with the Mirena, and he's not sure he can really justify birth control at all. (Okay, so, I've been praying about this for about 11 years, and specifically for Brian's heart about it for about 6, and still I was SHOCKED.) I hadn't begged, or whined, or connived, or done anything other than finally say "I trust you with this. Can you just make sure you are fully educated?" Wow.

Okay, so the last time I had to call and make an appointment for this kind of thing there was a four month waiting list. Today I made the appointment...for next week. Yeah. I could (will) be pregnant before the end of September. Yikes. So, I was composing an email in my head to an online friend of mine, just asking for her prayers and asking her where the faith is supposed to come from to do this - because I'm not feeling it. And the Lord said, "WHY DON'T YOU E-MAIL ME?" And I thought That's brilliant! So I did. I sat on the couch and prayed as if I was just sending an email to a friend who has more experience than me. And then I said "Okay, Jesus. Now it is your turn to talk." And He said "You'll have to pick up your Bible." Figures. But the chapter that popped into my head was John 14, so I went to that, being comforted by "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God." and went on reading..."You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." Oh wow. Is that in the Bible? I tried to read it "in context" to make sure I wasn't imposing my own wishes....nope that's what it said. And furthermore, that wasn't even what Thomas was asking about - it's like Jesus just wanted to throw it in (for Lindsey). So, I'm actually having trouble deciding exactly what I'd like to ask in His name, if I know it will be done. But I'm thinking medical bills. Brian has been paying dental bills for the last three years on his crown work, and now just add another $7000 for his toe. If the Lord could please take care of our medical bills, I think my husband can support our family. So, that's how I am. Just one measly day of fasting and the Lord answered my biggest and most prayed about prayer. But I think I'll need 6 more days of fasting to give me the faith to enjoy it!

And since then....some friends of our gave us a huge ziploc bag of macaroni dinner that tasted AWESOME! And then other friends dropped by with 22 loaves of bread, and bagels, and croissants, and doughnuts! And then another friend of ours, who is a regular blessing in our lives, has had some hard times of late, and today he received a $10,000 check - just a day before rent and payroll was due. God is able- do we trust him?